It didn’t happen overnight. Instead, my perception of reality changed very imperceptibly and harmoniously. And my mind simply couldn’t catch up, did not have time to note the changes.
We then lived together with the guys from my February school stream. There were lots of affairs, always some events, experiences, communication, and activities. The speed of life and efficiency was much more than usual. And I began to mark moments of self-awareness in different places, situations, environments and in the continuous process – in the present moment, in other words.
Reality began to be felt and perceived differently, the future and the past almost did not exist in those moments. Even more than that – nothing in understanding of space and time did not exist. Except what is here and now. Life in the flow, not otherwise. And it was very comfortable, as if it should always be. Thanks to the lack of tensions associated with the future or the past, there was a solid trust in life and every moment, whatever it was. And interest towards life itself, as it is now. And so gradually this state of awareness deepened. In the morning I watched the rapid activity of the mind, and in the late afternoon there was often quiet and smooth inside.
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Shortly after I had another powerful experience when I was outside, doing individual program. After answering a phone call from another school student, I felt like this person in the course of conversation plunged me into myself, on other level of perception, more pure and clear. And standing there in the park with my eyes closed, I experienced a living emptiness, aware myself a part of it. The energy that penetrating all around. At that moment my personal I simply didn’t exist. There was no body, no Anna. Mind was silent.There was only a living infinite “nothing” and “all” at the same time. It all happened at the level of sensations. Once I have opened my eyes, I could observe how my mind started to work and began to describe the world of forms and images around me… “here is the road, there is a car, and this is a tree, the grass… this is green, and this is blue… the Air is cold and the grass is softer than the trunk of the tree, which means that the tree will never break about the grass…”
Soon came a realization that my entire reality is created in my own mind and exist in this form only because of my belief in these descriptions and qualities. In fact, all this is only energy, and you can go beyond.. And even the grass can withstand the weight of the tree and not be crushed, but only when this becomes my reality. Though it won’t be a tree or a grass at all… When the limitations of the mind are gone. And it concerned everything, just belief in that reality, which we see through the prism of the perception, is very strong, and all our life experience maintain it. And here, at School, I get a whole new vision. An experience that allows me to step by step go beyond all these ideas.
Following this or almost simultaneously, began to appear a character named Anya. Between this infinite and Anya there was a distance. And a direct knowledge that I am something elusive that cognize it all through this incarnation. And such ease, simplicity and joy… the Mind at that moment generally fell into a stupor, but it was also as if at a distance. I with such round eyes, being in this experience, went back to the house. I couldn’t say anything… no words could convey it… It was just the happiness of this memory of who I am. But not emotional happiness, very quiet and of a different quality. The importance of the old matters, things that seemed insanely important and inevitable to Anya, her world… just fluff, like a click… and lightness. All that tension had gone away.
And then adaptation started. But the knowledge remained. I began to sensate this pulling feeling from the solar plexus more and more often, before this also happened, but now there seems to be a large hole, from which, like a spotlight, something shines, at the level of sensations. All around, all forms feel very alive. It’s like the stuffing’s been changed. There is no such strong feeling as separation from everything around, more precisely, the separation is due only to the physical embodiment, but in fact it is not. Understanding that the soul in this body has come to gain experience and, having passed from +100 to -100, should return to unity, home. The mind games become obvious, the illusory nature of what is happening and how the games replace each other, and that our development is that each time playing in an increasingly perfect game; passing it, we become closer to home, we move to a new level. Until we’re out of the game. School, team, teacher, concentration of the experience gained by the soul – more speed in these changes and development. All became in sight, as on their fingertips.
And even more powerfully, even stronger became the dedication to this way, in its truth and purity.