How did I come to practical knowledge? What didn’t satisfy me?
I felt bored and depressed. I could no longer enjoy things, traveling, entertainment. There was a very unpleasant state, a sense of meaninglessness of what was happening, reached suicidal thoughts. I began to look for a way out, started to try the psychological approach, various techniques and practices, to bring my condition to a more comfortable level. I came across the practical knowledge, put them to work. The colors of life came back to me. I figured out why all of this happened to me and decided to move along the path.
What were the difficulties on my way to awakening?
The unwillingness of the mind to get out of the comfort zone – to study extra time, to devote time to practice. All the way to awakening is the work to beat the resistance of the mind to change the usual way of life. I ran into various difficulties I strongly decided to overcome. I lived together with the team, we supported and helped each other, and this facilitated the process. My relatives believed that I was doing something wrong when I told about my decision to go to School. Withall, I combined the childcare with practice. Of course, it was necessary to choose the time to adapt to the rhythm of classes and to find balance. Team practice includes a lot of work with your Ego. Awakening is impossible without it. Sometimes the Ego boiled so much that it was difficult to communicate with the teammate. I felt a severe disgust, anger or annoyance towards the person. All of this had to be overcome as quickly as possible and covered with love to another person. This is the main peculiarity of training with the team. There were difficulties at the moment, but I don’t remember what was before awakening. I know that the difference between “before” and “after” is very huge.
I realized that awakening is not a myth for chosen people, not something given from above. It’s a like training and becoming a champion in sports. It is difficult, but everyone can do it! The process was smooth. There were about six months of permanent shifting: being present at the moment and return to the mind again. One day I woke up in the morning with a feeling of “all right, now I know everything.” Everything was perfectly simple and clear. There was a kind of wall that did not allow me to feel, understand, and taste life. The stupidity left. The internal attitude toward everything has changed. I see the reactions of my mind, my thinking process, my emotions. I see it as if I were my neighbor – it does not concern me at all. I do not participate in anything happening in my mind.
The search for pleasure in wealth has vanished. The mind was looking for happiness in something irrelevant – another person, clothes, gastronomic specialties, etc. This search disappeared, and I felt a great relief! I don’t need anything to be happy. Happiness is natural for the person after awakening, I feel it day and night.
I also noted a powerful change to a positive attitude. In the past, no matter what happened, I had negative thinking, resisted to anything new in life, rejected the present. Sometimes it took a few days to come back to the positive side again. Now I take everything positively, joyfully and openly. Now it makes me happy. Everything new is exciting. There are no barriers, no fear, no looking back to the implementation of the plan. The situation can be “confusing” for maximum 30 seconds.
I’m incredibly lucky. This feeling was unusual, joyful and quite surprising at first. Then I realized that I didn’t notice before how beautiful life is, and everything in it is for me! It’s a miracle.
The view of life was different. The world is incredibly beautiful, perfect, harmonious, gorgeous to tears. I find incredible beauty and depth, divinity, unity with the whole in simplest things.